New Muslimah Focusing On Being Fabulous Post-Divorce
who I am and why I can help you
I am a 46 year-old Australian born convert Muslimah of Italian/Irish heritage. I converted on September, 7 2011 having woken from a dream where I could hear the adhan and a voice inside me saying “I want to be Muslim”; I woke crying and told my ex on skype that evening. By the end of our conversation I had taken Shahada with his family as my witnesses.
Rewind to 2007, I just joined Facebook a practicing Tibetan Buddhist of 11 years and searching for a different direction of devotion. On Facebook I found Rumi and Hafiz; I also found a plethora of ethnic Muslim born guys from all around the world who flirted with 100s of women, who acted in a way that showed no fear of Allah (swt). Naturally none of these guys gave dawa, they were wolves, happy to disgrace women and use them for getting Visas.
My ex was the only one of these guys to vaguely talk about Islam, and post the odd Islamic reminder. Unfortunately, I extended far more honour to him, well beyond the other losers, than was warranted and attributed a portion of my conversion to him; again without basis.
And there I fell into the trap of so many convert women, taking literally and seriously the saying “marriage is half your Deen” and thinking that marrying an ethnic Muslim born guy would result in replacing the non- Muslim community I had lost as a result of my conversion. I could not have been more wrong – and that can be the basis of another webinar – as a new convert woman, do not rush to fill the presumed void of community with marriage and the key it is for opening your way into ethnic Muslim communities. Instead turn back to your pre- Islam communities and put in the effort to help them grow with you and create a new sense of belonging in them as a convert.
Anyway, in 2014, I moved to Pakistan and married on September 7, after 4 years long distance relationship. One of the first signs things were not going to go well was the abuse metered out while finalizing the Nikkah details 7 days prior to the ceremony. Funnily enough the argument was over the only requirement I had, to be married on the day I took Shahada so that I could connect my marriage to the greatest even in my life (after the birth of my daughter 19 years before). I can see now how the whole relationship with my ex was a mini form of shirk – taking all my energy and attention – mostly for the worse.
But forgiving myself, my intention to combine my nikkah day with my shahada was to purify it and put Allah as the focus of the marriage. Alhamdulillah in a roundabout way the toxic marriage did in the end lead me to put Allah as the focus on myself – protecting myself and ensuring that live the tranquil life Allah wanted for me. It is just that my suqoon has been found on my own, not within marriage.
I can see how staying and persisting in the nikkah was the first of so many mistakes – I should have gotten on a plane and left rather than pushed on with the marriage. Ah, yes! The ‘should haves’ that signpost the first year post-divorce, the stinking thinking of shame and self-loathing that has been the main area needing forgiveness, so that I could thrive
For all of the heartache, trauma and terror of the marriage and the trials of rebuilding from scratch after divorce, I can say today, with all my heart Alhamdulillah for the experience, because it has brought me closer to Allah (swt) the minute I chose to put myself first, and do justice by myself – I found Allah with me the whole way, I came to feel Allah’s presence in my life for the first time. This past year post divorce has been a clear test of my ability to fully submit to Allah’s timing and plans for me and the sweetest victory sitting here typing this webinar in my tranquil, pretty apartment is that I can see how Allah’s plan for me is far better than any of the outcomes I had been trying to force over the past year in an effort to bring about a sense of closure and security.
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'5 TIPS TO HELP NEW MUSLIMAHS FOCUS ON BEING FABULOUS POST-DIVORCE"
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